To my children

When I was pregnant with the twins I started a journal for each of them. I used to write in it all the time, up until they were about 18 months. Then I got out of the habit. I still haven't got past the first page for the youngest. I do plan on writing in them more, and then giving the journal to each of them when they are older. If anything happens to me, they or I get too embarrassed to talk about something, or I just forget, I want them to know how I feel about certain things.

Like with my boys I will tell them; don't pick at your testicles EVER unless your alone (no one wants to see that, and women really find it icky), when you kiss you need a little suction cause drool is disgusting, don't stand around with your mouth open (it makes you look stupid), groom, groom well, make sure ear, nose, eyebrow hair is where it is suppose to be or gone, and no one likes hairy shoulders. There are plenty of things that I'm sure my future daughters in law will thank me for. With my daughter I will tell her how to fix things, never be afraid to give your opinion, groom, groom well men notice, and don't feel the need to be catty, it just makes you look like a bitch. I want to tell her more about being strong, but with my boys I want to remind them to be gentle. That is a little funny. I think more than anything I just want to give them little hints to make them happy in adult life. Getting there often sucks and is always difficult.

I do want to support them if they have the "gifts", I'm pretty sure my son does. At the same time I want to protect them from what comes with it. People thinking your crazy, or lying, or sometimes worse... they believe you. There is a lot of responsibility that goes with that. Some people want to ask you about every detail, of every day, of every person they have ever known. Some people want you to psychically stalk others. Some people will inevitably make you responsible for their woes and missteps. Free will is a bitch, especially to people who are full of fear.

I also want to instill in them my sense of skepticism. They should question events, stories, people, thoughts, faiths, ghosts, voices, and anything doesn't start and end with themselves. I don't mean mistrust. I don't mistrust everything and everyone. I'm not overly trusting either. More like I don't trust or mistrust, unless I have to. Goes back to living through my gut. I think I'm a pretty logical person. I didn't used to be. I used to be emotional, extremely emotional. Does that mean I outgrew it? I have no idea. Yet another thing that changed when I went through all my pain.

And this is yet another example of me getting stuck in my head.