Angry

It took me a long time to learn to put up walls to block out certain things. Like sucking in all other peoples emotions. I used to work for someone that was angry and frustrated all the time. WOW, was that hard.

I am at a place now that I block out most of my friends, all of my real friends. When they need me I will open myself up a bit so I can be there for them, but usually I'm blocking. I think it is really rude of me to be constantly looking in on them. It's like spying. I don't think that is a very friendly thing to do. I hope I can figure out how to teach my children not to invade people.

I don't get angry because that is the only time I can't block. I have a really hard time shutting things out when I'm really mad. So I tend to get a look at a side of my friends that they really don't want me or anyone else seeing. I try very hard not to do this but ..... well, when pushed and I finally snap. It's not a good thing. It is like throwing all the doors and windows open and nailing them open. I get flooded. It can be very over whelming.

I recently had a friendship end. I got over the moon peeved! What I saw made me sad, angry, hurt, disgusted, and a little confused. Wow, I am amazed how well I blocked this person's true nature. A true self hater. I still am glad that I was able to block that out while we were friends. I couldn't have been a good friend if I hadn't. I will still continue to block my real friends. I think it is unethical and immoral to spy on people you love.