Babies

My children's birthday is this month. I wrote a book about the process of carrying them in my body. I even had several publishers interested in it. But then life got in the way and I got busy and put it down. I've picked it up several times but keep thinking I don't have enough for a book. How long is long enough for a book? I only carried them for 7 months.

They were triplets for the first two months. Sometime in the third month,  I lost the third. They told me from the beginning though that the third was not a "viable pregnancy." It didn't really bother me so much as it probably would most people.

That is because I was already talking to my babies. Baby C was going to be a girl, but she wasn't ready. Then she changed her mind and came to me as a boy. My next pregnancy was a single baby, a little boy. I say little because he is the size he would have been, had he been the triplet. Smaller than the other two.

I almost died when I had the twins but I knew the third baby was waiting for me so I knew I would have him anyway. I almost died when I had him too. My body went through hell, but I knew my spirit and spirit of my children were already connected. I was too important to them to let me leave and they were too important to me for me to leave them alone.

I think it has more to do with my understanding of spirit, why I survived. I'm not afraid to die. I'm just afraid of not doing my job here first. To take care of my children and make sure they are little people that grow up to be big people that will make a difference in this world. Even if it is in some small way. Being kind to other people, helping the helpless, or doing something big. Maybe they will end war, or hunger? I don't know, I just know it is my job to prepare them to be that kind of person.

When I was pregnant I talked to them all the time. They were in spirit for different times for each of them. The third baby was around until I was about nine weeks pregnant, then she told me she was ready to leave me now, she had things she needed to do before she could come back to me. Then she was gone. The physical part of her didn't pass until I think I was about 12 weeks.

The second baby took his time. He talked to me, my guides told me he would be a hand full. I would have to keep an eye on him because he was going to get hurt a lot and hurt the other ones just because he was so excited with life. That is who he is to this day. He entered the little body I was holding for him at about 6 months. He was waiting. His twin sister though, was ready much sooner. It was about 4 months when she jumped into the little body I was holding for her. She was to be first born, she wanted to be there first, and she wanted to be closer to me. Yes she told me that. She was going to be my baby girl. My only baby girl and there is a special bond in that.

My guides told me she was going to be wicked smart like her Daddy but a real stinker like me. Snarky sense of humor and gifted. I think she is really funny, and she is the one that see's spirits without being afraid of them. Nothing "other worldly" scares her. He just rolls with it and thinks it is part of life. She was stunned when I told her not everyone perceived the world the way we do. Not everyone can see and talk to spirits. She said she was sad for those that can't. My son is a bit intimidated by it. I just reassure him it is ok. If he doesn't want to see that part of the world then just tell them to leave them alone. She remembers I think. She tells me all the time she chose me. He doesn't understand what she is talking about.

So I beleive the "mind wipe" most people go through when they are born, worked on him, but not on her so well. I know it didn't work so well on me either. I remember two past lives vividly and part of one other. I remember little sparks of living as spirit. But from what my guides tell me I wasn't in that form for long. I choose to come back to complete my lessons. This is the last time I will be a human though. That I tend to believe. I almost feel like I am of much more use to people as a comforting force than as an actual person.
  

A "Special" Person

I am just stunned that I am such an odd person. That my behavior is so out of the normal that I would be called "special." For the record I'm not speaking of talking to dead people. I think that just makes me weird, not special. (see my previous post)

I have had several conversations with my Dr. where he has said to me, "Your my hero." "You don't take it from anyone." "You can handle anything that comes your way." "If anyone will make a difference in this world it will be you." That makes me so sad. And frankly a little mad.

This Dr. is a shrink. If you had a child crawl into bed with you in the middle of the night and look down to see who it was to find it a dead child...... you would being seeing a head doctor too. LOL She didn't stick around, I asked her to go find her own mommy. Which she did with a giggle. Yes, is was a bit creepy.

Back to my point. I'm weird..... not so special...... but he keeps telling me that I'm one of the rare people that stands up and does what is right no matter what. I can't possibly be that rare of a person, can I? He asked me what I was like when I was younger. I assumed this is something that just shows up when your a Mom and have to throw yourself in front a bus for your kids.

I remember two things from High School. I wouldn't have thought anything about these things because they were not a big deal to me at the time. A bunch of kids were watching a fat girl at the end of the hall and making nasty comments. I stepped in front of them and told them "to stuff it," "shame on you," "I hope you all get warts"...... That sort of thing. The other thing that stood out in my mind was after an assembly of some kind. The Principle was introduced to dismiss the students and almost everyone boo'd at him. WTH? When he stepped away from the podium, I walked up to him and apologized for all the idiots I went to school with. That was so wrong and unnecessary. He said it comes with the territory. How sad is that!?

So now, I have a situation where I may be put into a position to .... uh...... I don't know, take on a cause? More like go to battle really.  My doctor keeps telling me that I need to do it. I told him I didn't know if I had the emotional stamina to do this. He said, "Oh if anyone does, you do." But what if I don't want to? No one else is going to. If someone else was going to, they would have already, right?

So the whole "special" people thing. Don't we all teach our children to be nice to each other? I guess not, then we wouldn't have bullies. But don't we at least tell our children what is right and what is wrong? Uh..... I guess then we wouldn't have full jails.

I'm not the perfect parent by far. I'm sure some parent would tell me I'm really screwing my kids up. I tell them there are A LOT of stupid people in the world. "Stupid people don't mean to hurt you, but they aren't paying attention so we have to be smarter, and pay closer attention than everyone else." I also tell them that there are mean people out there and that you have to protect and stand up for anything smaller and weaker than you are, people or animal.

I know that my kids and I can both have "mean" moments. I don't like people sometimes But....... WTH? Really? Why? Does everyone like living in a society where everyone is ready to run you off the road for getting to the green light first? I certainly don't. I am always reminding myself that everyone has their own path. I don't know what their lesson is. Don't take it personally. Maybe that person is driving so slow because they just lost a loved one and is in shock.

I stopped a lady from picking up her kids after school one day because I believed her to be drunk. Forget about the fact that she could have gotten into her car and killed MY kids, what about her kids? I know I am not the only one who noticed, but no one else said anything. She couldn't even walk for cripes sakes!

WOW. When did people just stop caring? That is a real question by the way.

Rude is the new normal apparently.

Why I don't have psychic friends

I used to be embarrassed by my "gift." Sometimes I still am. I don't advertise the fact that I talk to dead people. I once had someone tell me that they could see how people would think I was psychic because I am very observant. You know, like that show The Mentalist? I can't argue with that. I do notice things other people don't pay attention to. I love to study people.

Years ago I spent some time doing the Psychic Phone Line thing. This is the reason I don't have psychic friends. I was exposed to so many fakers, liars, cheaters, and the ones that genuinely do have the gift used it to take advantage of people. My "mentor" actually told me to "fake it, if you don't know just go with it." I can't do that. Above all I believe in personal integrity. If I didn't know, I would tell them. If I got images that I didn't understand I would explain to them what I saw then tell them it was up to them to figure out. Sometimes I sounded a lot like a fortune cookie. LOL

I am psychic in all the ways that word entails. I hear, see, dream, have visions, have spirit guides, can speak to the dead, see the future, see the past, pick up on peoples emotions, and sometimes even hear their thoughts. I always have my wall up though. Unless I'm invited, I never look in on someone. If there is a situation that I absolutely must be aware of, my guides will tell me. To me, sneaking a peek into someones mind is tantamount to rape. Your invading them in a very intimate way. I have discovered that 80% of "psychics" have little to no scruples. 75% to 80% of those are just outright liars and fakers.

I am naturally a skeptic. Just because I can see the dead, doesn't believe I think every Orb is a spirit. Sometimes it is just dust, or a bug. Just because there is a weird reflection in glass doesn't mean that your seeing a ghost. Weird noises can just be weird noises. I don't know how many times I have been told that something evil was in someones home. Ghosts are usually misunderstood when they actually are around.

I was very disappointed when I was introduced to the world of psychics. Sadly what should be a very uplifting and loving atmosphere is very dark. All about the money. My Grandmother once told me that taking money for your gift taints it. I thought she was wrong at the time. Not anymore.

While working the phone though, I did get a great deal of validation. I had a woman walk into my living room one day while doing a phone reading. She was decapitated, carrying her head under her arm. I ask the lady on the phone why a woman just walked in carrying her head. She told me her niece was decapitated in a car accident.

The worst validation I have received is also why I don't always see this as a gift. Someone in my life abused her kids. I called the authorities a number of times. She had four children. I was driving down the road one day and had a vision. It shook me to my core. The family was at a funeral, the casket was about 18 inches long. I called my mother and told her that this woman was going to kill her baby. I screamed and yelled and called the authorities. I told anyone who would listen. I begged for help. The baby was six weeks old when she killed that tiny soul.

I've also noticed that most people ask about the stupidest stuff. "Am I going to win the lottery?" "Is my man cheating?" First, no one who asks is ever going to win the lottery. Second, if you have to ask, then yes he is cheating on you. I tell anyone that asks me to take a look at something for them, more than believing me, you have to believe yourself.

We all have the intuition to run our lives in a healthy way. We all have that little voice, you just have to learn to listen to it. If your suspicious, there is a reason. If you think, I need to grab that umbrella, it will probably rain. If you get an itch to check your baby's temperature, there is a reason. Just listen. But listen to YOU.