Know Yourself

Do you know yourself? I think I know myself pretty well. I think every single college freshman has a professor that asks them write their own obituary. I remember doing it but I was 19 then. I know I have changed so much since my arrogant young years. And oh my was I arrogant. So many of the young and beautiful are that way. I guess we could attribute that to ignorance.

I would have to say that one thing I am extremely grateful that woke up from that state of mind. I remember being mean to people and thinking it was funny. Which is odd, because when I was much younger I wasn't like that. I was a chunky Jr. High kid. Then in High school and college I got super hot! Or so I was told. Somewhere along that journey I lost my way.

Just like an addict, hitting rock bottom is a real turning point. I don't think a great deal of people ever experience that turning point. Mine was not until I was in my late twenties. You would think that an abusive husband, (my first) would be a wake up call. Nope. My arrogance even put me in a place to refuse to see myself as a victim. For me, my awakening was not going to be anything that could happen outside of myself. For me it had to be getting sick. The kind of sick that you think about wanting to die. The kind of event that completely shakes all your beliefs and understanding of the world around you and your self.

I now know that I am a spiritual being in a human body. I live as compassionately as I can. I enjoy making people see that they are all special in their own right. Each of us is a spiritual being in a human body. Sometimes that human experience is horrible, surrounded by horrible people, horrible beliefs, and horrible understanding. I see the spiritual beings. I understand that each person goes though all their own crazies, their own human trials. Maybe that person has never had their rock bottom, maybe they never will.

For me, when I die, I hope that I touched a few people. Made a few feel special, and loved. Made a few people know they are important to someone. And that some day, it will all be so apparent to us all. Probably not while we are in our human experience, but someday.

Sometimes I even revel in my human experience and call someone as asshole when they cut me off on the freeway. At least I know that is the human of me, not the spirit of me. A mean word, doesn't make a person mean spirited.